A Step By Step Anti-Guide to Finals

Here’s my tried and true method for finals season. Which means you should probably do the exact opposite if you know what’s good for you.

1. Put off writing your final papers until you have exactly the minimum amount of time you could possible finish them in.

If you need help wasting time, try catching up on every episode of Game Grumps you might have missed. Also, take this opportunity to get some videogaming in for the first time in a while, since… y’know, you’ve been too busy the rest of the semester for that kind of thing. Also, this strategy pays off in a really satisfying adrenaline rush when you complete the paper with literally seconds to spare!

2. Never study for exams.

It’ll just overwhelm you with information. Instead, go to all the school events that might net you bonus points on the exam. Like spending three hours at the English Department party the night before instead of three hours studying. Bonus points are way more useful than an understanding of the course material!

3. Make sure you don’t get much sleep, if any.

There’s no research indicating that you do better on tests when you’re well-rested, right? Okay, good. That could have ruined my whole plan.

And there you have it: my three-step guide to college success! If you’ll excuse me, I have a couple more episodes of Game Grumps to watch. It’s not like I have two finals to take and a paper (which I haven’t started yet) to submit in the morning or anything.


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