In Which I Return to the First Grade


Over the weekend, I took a break from the rigors of college to get grilled on something even more challenging: first grade sentence completion and math equations. I had a pretty tough teacher but I think I did well, all things considered.

Did I mention my niece is one of my favoritest people in the world?


This just in: I can still do addition without a calculator!

The classic newbie mistake — I forgot my name! Spoiler: my real name is Uncle Scott. Oh, no! My secret is out!

Also, I got marked down for a “fancy” 2 and because my G looks like an S. T-that’s just how I make them, okay? The school system is crushing my individuality! Fight the power!


Oh, you mean those people specifically?

My first instinct was to say “flat” but then I decided that that must mean it’s too mainstream. I guess sometimes it’s okay to go with what’s mainstream…


Uh…um, ma’am? Isn’t it spelled “lions?” Are you sure you got your degree at an accredited university?

My bias in the cat/dog debate isn’t too noticeable here, is it?

The goal of these two questions was to think of animals that were similar. I was not told that this was the required format for this section of the exam until after I had finished it. I call shenanigans.

So far, I’m a solid C student. My parents aren’t going to be happy about this.


Turns out cats can’t really do pushups.

This one’s actually kind of fascinating. The implication being that my niece’s teacher has marked answers of hers as “fiction” before. I guess it makes sense — to make sure kids really know the difference between reality and fiction, but it still makes me feel a little sad. Anyhow, I’m told I didn’t lose any points for a fictional answer. Whew! In that case, forgetting your name automatically drops you to a B- ?! Well, at least it’s not a C again.

As an aside, this kid is either really into cats, or she’s been around me too much and my cat-love has rotted her brain. Seriously, this exam was 50% cat-related questions.

So… when do they start doing long division? Third grade? Well, that gives me two years to study up. At present, I would bomb that test harder than I have ever bombed before.


2 thoughts on “In Which I Return to the First Grade

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s